Wednesday, 3 November 2010

Life is hard ! Compared to what ?!

Life is hard ! Life is useless ! I dont like my life ! My life is boring ! This is normally the few quotes or complains by people . So , people , let me share my real life experience , and you will see how difficult is my life , but i still move on and live positively and happily. People , life is hard , but i will say compared to what !

I have a father for only 7 years . Yes , my father passed away when i'm seven years old . He died because of lung cancer . I cant remember much about my father , maybe because i'm still very small when he died . What i can remember is he get ill when i'm about 7 years old , and he had been send to a special care house and being take care by some nurse . And then , one day , my aunt come to my primary school and pick me and my sister , and she fetch us to the special care house , and at there i saw my father is very ill . After he saw us , he breath his last breath , and he passed away . He waiting to see us . I would say my dad is a good person . He is a mechanic or some car seller , i don't quite remember what he work as . But i remember he always bring back toy cars for me , i collected many toy car he brought back for me . From there , i like cars , i love cars a lot . And he is the one who apply my primary school for me , he insist to put me and my sister in a good school , S.R.J.K (C) Puay Chai , although the school is far from my house . I know he want us to have a good education . I had accepted that my dad is passed away , and i had move on since then . But i will always miss him . I will envy other people when i saw their dad love them , when they got a good and loving dad . But anyhow, life still need to go on . But there will always be a place in  my heart for my dad . I love you dad ! So , people appreciate your dad . Every dad love their children , what they do is for your own good .

So, since then , my mum raised me and my sister up . She is a teacher . She raised us up and try to give us the best care , the best thing , and try to give us what we want. She is my idol , i really admire my mum . She is a great mum . She is the best . I love you mum ! My mum is the greatest mum ever !

So, everything is fine . Until when i'm 16 years old , and my sister is 17 years old that year . That year is 2004 . So on september 2004 , my sis complain that she always have headache . Not those normal type of headache. As we are quite close ,as i only got 1 elder sister that is her , she often complained that she have headache. I ask her to tell my mum , but she say she dont want mum to worried . But later on , she tell my mum , and my mum bring her to see doctor , The doctor say is nothing , is normal to headache . So, we didn't treat that so seriously . Then , one morning in the middle of September 2004 , my mother wake me up early in the morning . She say my elder sister had fainted and keep vomitting . When i go see my elder sister that time , she already half concious . My mum is worried , she say something is wrong . So , she quickly call the ambulance . But after very long , the ambulance didn't come . But luckily , one of my neighbour is kind enough to fetch my sister to the hospital . I didn't follow to the hospital as i got tuition that afternoon .

So ,at that night , i went to the hospital with my aunt . And there i saw my sister sleep in the I.C.U in the hospital . My mum tell me that my sister brain blood vessel burst . But she is good enough to survive and in koma . According to the doctor , the doctor say my sister has a thin blood vessel since she born , so as she grow older , her blood vessel will expand and become bigger and bigger ,and until one extend , the blood vessel will burst . It's like a time bomb . So yea , my sister brain vessel burst that time . There is sign actually which are some noise in the ear  , and actually headache is a sign also . So , my sis have a sign , if we know it earlier , she will be fine . But we cant do anything already that time . So , she undergo two major operation . 1 at damansara specialist center , another 1 at Hospital Kuala Lumpur . The doctor say many of her brain sel had died , cause they need to take out the blood in the brain , they just need to save my sister life . The doctor say the chances of my sister survive is very low. Even she survive , she will koma , she will never be a normal person .

So, my sister had been koma for about 2 months plus . She cant talk throughout that two month ,as there's a hole in her throat and neck for her to breath and to drink milk . So , i didn't have chance to talk to my sister since she fainted . But she stay half concious , she know we are there ,but she cant talk only . I very sad seeing my sister like that . And that year is her SPM year , For your information , my sister is an intelligent person . She get straight A , 7 A in her UPSR ,and get straight A, 8 A for her PMR. We know she wanted to take SPM also , but we ask her to rest and get well first only go take SPM , even though we know there might be no chance . I feel so sad that time . During that 2 months , my mum always accompany my sister at the hospital, and i also go visit her often . That time , i regret that i always fight  with my sister , and i also regret that i always didn't tolerate my sister sometime . I tell myself i should had treated her good . I live in fear everyday throughout that 2 month . I scared that i cant see my sister , i scared she suddenly passed away . I want her to recover .

But i feel lucky and thankful that i got a bunch of good secondary friend that always support me that time . They are Joven , Kenny , Jia Ming , Woon , Liang Tung , Joshua , Wan Theng , Zeming , Han Sin , Chee Hoe , Ryan , Boon Seong , Zhe Chua , Chee Chai , Eline , Hui Lih , Levon , Meng Keat and many others . They come to visit my sister few time , and they always encourage me to be happy and don't give up . They all are very supportive , and they are all my best friend . We called our group the sot gang . Thanks a lot to them .

So at 25 November 2004 , my aunty call and say my sister is critical , she come and fetch me , and we rush to the hospital . When i reach and saw my sister , i hold her hand , and after she saw me , she breath her last breath and passed away . I feel sad at that time and i call her name , i want her to be alive back that time , but i know is impossible . I didn't cried even i feel sad , i just cant cried out . But is a good thing , as my sister never need to suffer already ,at least she saw everyone of us before she passes away .

I was very sad that time . And during the funeral , my same gang of friend came to the funeral . They are a very great friend , They are the sot gang .

They are the sot gang ! my very supporting best friend ! I heart them all ! There still got many others , but they happen to study at other states . 

Who said we need a lot of friend , i am glad that i know all of them, and have them as my best friend ! they are the best ! I heart them all ! 

Not to forget , i have my dearest aunt , uncle , niece and nephew that is also very supportive and close with me . They also very concern about me , my sister ,and my mum .

This is my dearest nieces and nephew ! Heart them a lot ! I love them !

Also thanks to my great aunty and uncle . They help us a lot !

My sister had pass away for 6 years ! Another 22 days is her died date . I really miss her a lot ! she always n my heart , there's always a special place for her in my heart . She had not celebrate birthday for me for 5 years . Another 1 month is my birthday again , But , i cant celebrate it with her . I really miss my sister ! Dear sister , I love you ! But anyhow , life still need to go on . I had move on and live my life positively . My mum sad for few months , i can understand her sadness . But after that , she is okay . She also move on with her life . We had accept it . My mum say she feel happy that my sis no need to suffer anymore . But i still can see that she is very sad every time we go visit her . Her lost is really a big pain to us . Her death is so sudden and unexpected . But that tell me that life is unpredictable . 

People, please appreciate your sister or brother ! Please love your sibling . Don't fight with them  because of small matter ! Love and care about them . Don't wait till you regret ! Show your love to them .

So ,since then , i live my life to the max everyday , i don't want to regret any single thing . And since then , i become very easily to touched . I tell myself to study very hard and work . I tell myself that it is my responsibility to take care of my mum since then . And i will need to study hard ,and get a job in future ,and take care of my mum . I will give my mum the best thing . I don't want to make my mum worried . So, i tell myself to be discipline .

This is my mum ! She is the most wonderful mum ever ! I love her ! She is my idol !

So , i finish my SPM ,and i went to study foundation for 1 year at UTAR , then continue with Construction Management at UTAR . 

In that year , 2007 ,  when i still study at UTAR, i have anxiety , because of anxiety , i don't eat , i'm afraid to eat , i always worry and afraid and fear . Maybe i too stress and struggle to study the course i doesn't like ,it's not my choice after all, my mum choose for me ,as i don't know want to study what course . So , starting from  May 2007 , i become very thin . 

Me ( Right ) , when i'm very fat . (end of year 2006 )

Me , Oct 2007 at Hong Kong , when i very thin ,because of anxiety 

Then , my mum bring me to go to counselling and bring me to psychiatrist . And i eat the medicine they provide . And because i didn't eat , i get gastric also since then on . So , i eat gastric medicine only . 

So i eat the medicine and see the psychiatrist constantly . And i eat medicine , and brave myself to eat back all the food , I tell my self i need to eat , i cannot make my mum worried about me . 

So at 2008 , i eat and gain weight ,and i become fatter . 

Me ( on the right ) , June 2008 , I become fatter . I eat already that time .

After study for 1 year , i feel that i'm struggling and i;m not interested in that course . I failed few subject , i feel not worth it to pay and resit the subject . So , i decided to change course . My mum support me . So ,in the year 2008 , i change to TARCollege ,and i studied Diploma in Mass Communication ( Advertising ) . But i never regret that i study at UTAR , because i gain a lot of friendship from UTAR . 

Now , i already graduated from diploma in TARCollege. I am studying Degree in Marketing Communication at HELP University College. Another two year to go . Yea , i knpw i kind of waste time and waste money , but it is still the best to study the course you like . I know i wasted a lot of my mum money . I apply PTPTN now . So , i want to faster graduate and return my mum the money . During my semester holiday at TARC and last semester holiday , i will find part time job to  work . I don't want to always ask money from my mother . I want to be independent and earn my own money and use my own money . For your information , study in HELP doesn't mean that i rich , staying at Kota Damansara doesn't mean that i rich . I just from an average family . Money is not everything people . Money cant buy happiness . Friends and family is now the most important to me . 

People , please choose the course you want to study . Make your own choice , choose the course you like . If you struggle in your study , change to a course you like is better . Changing course is not a shame . Most importantly is study a course you like , No point struggling to study a course you don't like .

Now , i had eat everything ,and i become very fat . Although i look young , but i an old deep inside my heart , i have a matured heart and mind . I'm going to be 22 years old . I need to plan for my future . 

I am single now , and i am not desperate to find a girlfriend . I will find a good girlfriend . I want a good and serious girlfriend . But nevermind , i will find it slowly .

I had went through many thing in life . Some of you may not went through all that . I glad that i never give up and i live my life till now . For now , i will be positive ,and i will live my life to the fullest everyday !

I glad that i know a bunch of great and awesome blogger recently , attend event with them is always awesome ! I enjoy my time with them ! And i also wait to date many of my friend . And i cant wait for my primary school gathering . I'm sad that i lost one of my primary school mates last month , he died of car accident . I never meet him since graduate from high school. So , i want a primary school mates gathering soon ! Life is unpredictable ! Time wait for no one ! 

So , people , appreciate your life , appreciate everyone around you ! Life is about making choices ! Life is easy and not complicated , is you who make it complicated ! make your own choice, and leave with your life ,is either you live it or leave it . Live your life to the max , be happy everyday , make your life meaningful everyday ! Don't wait until you regret ! Don't always say tomorrow only do la, try to finish your task that day ! Live happily and positively ! Don't give up in your life ! 

Life is hard ! Compared to what ? ! Compared to mine ? i had a hard life , but i went through all and live till now . I live happily and positively everyday . I can do it ! So ,  you all also sure can do it too!

*comment and critic are welcome .

* its a long post , and i really thank to all who read from top to the bottom here .

Till then , bye 


  1. Sorry to hear your loss but it's a good thing that you're still so strong and tough! You make me realised that I need to srsly appreciate my life ):

  2. hey, nice one to share but do live ur life to the fullest ya! coz i believe ur sot gang will surely stand by u! take care!

    reading others' life sucks* coz failing to get wat they want r juz crapz.

    *thumbs up 4 u =)

  3. Hilda : It's okay , appreaciate it .Thanks , but i not that strong all the time. Afterall, this is life . Yeap, appreciate your life . =D

    Nanalana : Thanks , yeap , i will live my life to the fullest . U too, take care . =D

  4. Jayren, I'm such a lousy friend. We chatted for so long and have been chatting for so long, but I have no idea that you went through this much.

    You're very strong :) I salute your bravery & toughness :)

    Yes, you still have your mum & your genuine friends with you no matter what happened. FYI, I'm one of them.

    Cheers! *hugsss* :)

  5. Caryne : It's okay la , i hardly share this with people ma. You are not a lousy friend , dont ever say yourself like that . You are a great friend ! Thanks ! i'm not that strong actually . Yeap, i know you always are my great and awesome friend ! I will also be there for you no matter what happen . Thanks for support my friend . =D

  6. I know u had hard life that's why I've always looked up on strong u were and stuff..I will take care of myself!

  7. Liki : Thanks thanks ! Yeap, you take good care of yourself ya ! =D

  8. Guess what happened when i read it half way?

  9. Hitomi : what happen ? =0

    Jiayeen : It's okay . This is life.

  10. so inspiring.i got so many stuff i dun dare to express out like dat:(

  11. Hello Kitty : Whey , u bila become hello kitty dy 1 ? lol Thanks ! Express it out la ! =D Sharing is caring . XD

  12. hann yaw...

    life wasn't smooth at first for you, but you have something special in you.. which is, you're definitely a very positive person.

    from the moment i know you during WFC meeting till now, i've always thought you as a person who's always positive and cheerful =)

    keep it up, my friend. im sure you have a great future!

    *kinda shocked to see my photo haha.. taken N years ago *

  13. Kawan , Thanks a lot ! You too ! You are a happy go lucky girl !Keep it up ! Hope you have a great future too ! Take care ! See you soon ! =D

    * lol , no need to be shocked . =P Nice ma . Taken 2 years ago only , where got N years ago so long . Time really flies , we know each other and are friend for 2 years dy . I appreciate our friendship . =D

  14. Mann : Yes! She always live in our heart ! There's always a special place for her in our heart . =D

  15. good story... felt sorry for u
    but then i didnt know u were that thin back then! hahaha

  16. Henry Lee : Now you know ! It's okay, no worries ! =D